The Psychology Of falling in Love

Love is an incredibly powerful word. When you’re in love, you just always want to be together, and when you’re not, you’re thinking about being together because without them your life is incomplete. It is unconditional affection with no limits or conditions: completely loving someone. It’s when you trust the other with your life and when you would do anything for each other. When you love someone, you want nothing more than for them to be truly happy no matter what it takes, because that’s how you care about them and because their needs come before your own. You hide nothing of yourself and can tell the other anything because you know they accept you just the way you are and vice versa. It can make you do anything and sacrifice for what will be better in the end. Love is intense and passionate. Everything seems brighter, happier and more wonderful when you’re in love. If you find it, don’t let it go.

Love is categorized into 3 types;

Eros: the erotic love based on physical experience, it is actually an infatuation.

Phileo: the brotherly love, when you phileo-love someone, it’s a relationship where you give to receive.

Agape: unconditional pure love, can be called charity.

Most people use the word “love” to get into someone else’s pants. Love is overused in today’s world; people say they love someone because of the way they look. That isn’t love. Love is when you can’t do anything without thinking about that person, and you always want to be with them. Love is a desire for soul not sex. Love can be foolish; you can think you’re in love and it can lead to the most horrible feeling in the world. Also you can wait so long for someone, loving them, and waiting for them to love you back, but they don’t return it. But when that person realizes that they love you back, it’s miraculous.

Some people define it as disease that affects brain, most probably limbic system. Symptoms could be euphoric in the beginning but then there might be insomnia, hallucinations of being with him, mood swings. It is the constant source of pleasure and pain. But we can’t predict which it will be from one moment to the next. It is a short word, easy to spell, difficult to define, and impossible to live without.

After explaining what is love. Now there are questions that people usually ask why, how and when it happens.

We all read stories of lovers, the love of first sight i.e. he saw her on street walking or they saw each other and fell like they are bound together. Obviously everybody has question is it really possible: yes it is. Everybody has a subconscious criterion about his or her life partner in his/her brain. When someone matches that criterion, you love that person. If you are single then you will fall in love with the first person who matches your criteria. And you can surely imagine that if you are in a relationship too, but you find someone matching your criteria better than the person you are already in relationship, then you might love the other person too.

Here are some benefits of love experience:

1. Turns you a better person

2. Makes you Adjustable

3. Enhances tolerance

4. Let’s you appreciate the finer aspects of life

5. Corrects bad habits

6. Enables self-correction

7. Teaches you true love

You learn to differentiate between crush and love. While often a crush might forge a relationship, it is built on the solid rock of love that can last longer and rigid.

8. Let’s you learn to give

You learn to fight the healthy way. After all, a purposeful fight does not mean winning on one side, but learning to move towards sustainable results that are mutually beneficial. In this regard, there is so much to give than to take on either side.

9. Teaches respect

You learn to respect the needs, feelings and opinions of other people. So far, your life was confined within your little self. Now you learn to experience what it feels like when you wear others' shoes. Thus, we learn to forgive and respect others.

12. Moves you towards success

Every time you come across hurdles in your relationship, every time you have some fights and heartbreaks, life seems to end, but invariably, you learn life continues forever with ups and downs only to emerge more victorious and successful.

TRIANGLE OF LOVE

 Love may be symbolized by a triangle. The first angle of which is, it doesn't question. The second angle of the triangle of love is it knows no fear. The third and the last angle of this triangle is that love is its own end.

Here are some research based points about why people fall in love

1.      First and most important factor for love to happen is Similarity

“Partners who are similar in broad dispositions, like personality, are more likely to feel the same way in their day-to-day lives” said Gian Gonzaga, lead author of a study of couples

One promising answer is that romantic love occurs when the attributes that generate general attraction and the social factors and circumstances that produce passion are particularly strong.

There are four general attraction attributes (Aron, et al. 1989):

•         Similarity:  similarity of people’s beliefs and, to a lesser extent, similarity of personality traits and ways of thinking.

•         Propinquity:  familiarity with the other, which can be caused by thinking about the other, spending time together, living near each other or anticipating interaction with the other.

•         Desirable characteristics: It is particularly focused on an outer physical appearance.

•         Reciprocal liking: When the other person is attracted to you or likes you, it can increase your own liking.

Another five factors seem to be required for the love to be truly passionate (Aron, et al. 1989):

•         Arousal/unusualness: Being in an unusual or arousing environment can spark passion, (Dutton & Aron, 1974).

•         Specific Cues: A particular feature of the other may spark particularly strong attraction (e.g., parts of their body or facial features).

•         Readiness: The more you want to be in a relationship, the lower your self-esteem and the more likely you are to fall in love.

•         Isolation: Spending time alone with another person can also contribute to a development of passion.

•         Mystery: If there is some mystery surrounding the other person and uncertainty about what the other person thinks or feels, wondering when he or she will initiate contact can also contribute to passion.

The researchers found that the most frequently mentioned factor preceding experiences of love was finding certain characteristics of the other person desirable, as well as reciprocity of the experienced emotions. There was a moderate frequency of descriptions mentioning the factors that spark passion (arousal, readiness etc.)

2.      If you share 3 basic compatibilities: According to the work of Canadian psychologist Eric Berne, the best-matched couples vibe on three different levels. His theory argued that every person has three "ego states":

•         The parent: What you've been taught

•         The child: What you have felt

•         The adult: What you have learned

3.      If you are environmental friendly and luxurious both men and women will like you more(DiDonato & Jakubiak, 2016)

4.      Play hard to get increases romantic attraction in men(Dai, Dong, & Jia, 2014)

5.      Happiness is the most attractive female emotional expression, and one of the least attractive in males. In contrast, pride shows the reverse pattern; it is the most attractive male expression, and one of the least attractive in women.(Tracy & Beall, 2011)

6.      Men prefer novelty, women prefer familiarity(Little, DeBruine, & Jones, 2014)

7.      Postural expansiveness increases attraction (grinberg, 2016)

8.      It’s also said that if you look more like their opposite parent the chances of falling in love with you are more

What indicates that you are in love?

1. You get lost in your conversations, you miss that person

2. You find her/him beautiful

3. You see a future together

4. You introduce her/him to your family

5. He/she makes you want to be a better person

     How to be a successful lover?

·         If it’s not important, let it go

·         Always choose what is good for that person

·         Be patient

·         Be supportive

·         Never act selfish

·         When there is conflict, talk it out.

How to recover from love?

Okay, after all this happy part of love, now let’s go to the sad picture i.e. what if you want to forget the person you loved. First of all, yes it’s not easy to forget the person you loved but there is 90% possibility of recovering if you follow the right guidelines with complete determination. Many of you believe that love is uncontrollable emotion. But extensive research carried out over the years has proved that you can indeed control love. And it can all be done through the power of the mind. It’s all a matter of learning how to use mind correctly.

So as I already mentioned above that you only fall in love with someone when that person meets your subconscious criterion of life partner. It’s right that in the beginning you might not even know the reason of such selfless love. You might even think it just happened. But if you focus and try to find it you can know the reason why you fell in love with him/her. When you know the answer of WHY, then it’s very simple to forget that person. Love is just a psychological emotion like fear, anxiety and stress, it can be controlled.

Following are some important points that help you recover

1.      Find an alternative, which cares about you

2.      Find some hobby to keep you busy and happy

3.      Whenever you feel sad go for music, i.e. soothing

4.      Exercise daily

5.      Go visit some island

6.      Take motivational lectures